


Your Fall (Jeongcheol ONESHOT)

by coopstar



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:26:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21532921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coopstar/pseuds/coopstar
Summary: That morning seemed usual for Seungcheol just like every other day. He didn't know what happened and he couldn't detect where did it went wrong or was it his fault that he thought that Jeonghan loves him?
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Your Fall (Jeongcheol ONESHOT)

It’s cold outside; well not as cold as to the point you’ll go numb or shiver but cold enough to get warmth through a morning hug and that is what Seungcheol wants once he is awake. He stirs to the left only to witness nothing but a messy white mattress and when he groans as he lays flat on his back, he can see dust particles dancing slowly in the air. He shuts his eyes for a moment before sitting straight on the bed and rubs his eyes. He checks the time- 9:43 in the morning. It’s already fall and he can see the dead leaves covering the damp road and dews glistening on the green grasses through the window.

Seungcheol sighs over the idea that he has to wash himself but he pushes himself anyway for a hygienic domestic lifestyle. The clock ticks exactly at 10 o’clock and Seungcheol is fully dressed up- casually- pink colored hoodie paired with a gray sweatpants. Upon stepping down the stairs, his nostril is welcomed by a fresh brewed morning coffee and baked cookies which are still hot since he can see Jeonghan is carefully taking out the tray from the oven. He watches how Jeonghan’s shoulder lifts with a steady breath from back and how his face scrunches into a silent mix of pain and scream when his finger accidentally touches the hot metal tray. With a smile, he approaches the guy who is in an oversized buttoned up long-sleeve shirt and white pants and sits on the stool at the counter.

“Good morning,” Jeonghan doesn’t greet back because he is taking off the gloves and has to place the cookies on a plate. Seungcheol sulks when Jeonghan unintentionally ignores him and pouts as he focuses his stare on the younger boy. Jeonghan can read him easily so that is why he leans over the counter which distances them and pokes Seungcheol’s nose.

“Good morning to my sulky boyfriend too.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I should because you are a one big sulky grown up man.”

“No, I’m not. You ignored me.” Seungcheol stands up from his place and walks towards Jeonghan who is now back-facing him and putting the dishes into the sink. He circles his hand around Jeonghan’s slim waist and rests his chin on his shoulder. Jeonghan’s movement stops when Seungcheol hums to an unfamiliar melody and sways their body smoothly together and kisses him tenderly on his jaws. Then, he follows down Jeonghan’s arm slowly to reach his hand and bring it up to his mouth only to give his delicate and smooth fingers a kiss since Jeonghan burnt his fingers earlier.

“Well, you’re my baby. I can’t ignore you for a long time.” Jeonghan turns and curls his lips into a most genuine sweet smile as he plants a kiss on Seungcheol’s forehead. Jeonghan has this habit of expressing everything is alright by a small smile and Seungcheol is always entranced by that. He can’t get mad at him, no, not even once.

“Right, I am your baby.” Seungcheol giggles like a kid and buries his face into the crook of Jeonghan’s shoulder as he still keeps his arm around Jeonghan’s waist.

“Oh my god, what happened?”

Seungcheol uncovers his face from hiding and faces the younger. “I’m just happy. Maybe I need a cuddle?” He hugs Jeonghan and the smell of the latter might put him into a deep sleep. Well, Seungcheol finds it hard to describe Jeonghan’s scent. When you wake up in the morning but you don’t want to get off the bed yet so you just bury yourself deep under the blanket and the smell of morning room is something incredible that you can’t help it from falling asleep again. Classic, like the smell of papers filled with unuttered words of romance. That is Jeonghan, whether it is evening, afternoon, or night, he’ll giggle cutely when Seungcheol hugs him.

“I’m hungry. Bring that mug to the front.” Seungcheol complies and they had a wonderful breakfast together. It is Saturday but an excited and fulfilling one since they are spending it together.

After doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen together, Jeonghan lays lazily on the couch, a novel held loosely in his hand while the television is turned on but is ignored and Seungcheol is on upstairs- cleaning the room. Slowly, his eyes shut on its own without him knowing as the glasses is slipping off his nose bridge while the book falls on the carpeted floor.

Closing the wardrobe, Seungcheol is satisfied with how his room looks- neat and tidy. But something bothered him when he hears nothing from the downstairs. Usually, he will hear the sound of pot or remote falling down or glasses breaking but now it feel so serene and when he steps down the stair, he finds a sleeping Jeonghan on the couch so soundly. His heart sinks a little upon witnessing his boyfriend sleeping on the comfy couch. Jeonghan’s arm is hanging from the couch and it’ll numb by the time he wakes up so he approaches him and turns off the television as he puts the book on the table and sits on the edge of the couch. He rushes to upstairs to get a blanket and quickly slides next to Jeonghan without waking him up. He covers the both of them perfectly with the blanket and luckily the couch is big enough to fit them both so that they’ll lay comfortably. Seungcheol is careful taking off the glasses from Jeonghan’s face and caresses his eyebrow softly. Due to the touch, Jeonghan snuggles closer and tightens his wrap around Seungcheol’s chest. He adjusts his position as Jeonghan hums in his sleep and rests his head on Seungcheol’s chest. What a great weekend it is for Seungcheol only to sleep together in their warm home during second week of fall, not experiencing anything usual at outside like other couples will do- grab a hot coffee in the morning, walk in a crowded place by holding each other’s hand while exhaling the fresh smell of damp quiet roads and taking pictures of each other.

Despite everything, they lived and are living.

The space is filled with faint sound of Jeonghan’s snore and Seungcheol’s in between sighs. Seungcheol silently looks over the small figure nestling in his arms so calmly as if he is a precious and a worn out soul and he is indeed, a precious one for Seungcheol. Jeonghan is completing his last year of residency at Canada University Hospital. He finished a night shift and drove half an hour from his workplace, not added with the extra hours spent by stuck in a traffic jam and his aching back, also all the work that tired him out but Jeonghan just could have rest in the hospital yet he insisted to get home only to see Seungcheol and to prepare the latter a lovely breakfast.

Finding himself unable to take his eyes off him, Seungcheol smoothly traces the crinkles at the edge of Jeonghan’s eye as he presses a kiss on his forehead tenderly and pats his shoulder slowly as lullaby to put him in a nice sleep.

_Oh, how much Seungcheol wants this to last forever._

Just like that, after the blue bright sky is replaced with a soft orange tinted sky, Jeonghan wakes up to the smell of fish cake soup and lazily walks down to downstairs.

“Did you carry me upstairs?” Seungcheol nods as he switches on the rice cooker and once again his arms have its natural way to circle around Jeonghan’s waist. While in Seungcheol’s trap, he rubs his eye when the older bends a little to see his face and smiles foolishly.

“I’m heavy Cheol, why did you even bother to carry me?” Seungcheol bumps their forehead together and Jeonghan shrieks in pain silently. “My heart shattered when I saw you sleeping on the couch. How could I leave you? I’m your reliable, considerate, and thoughtful boyfriend.” He says proudly and Jeonghan let out a small laugh.

“Go and sit there, I will serve the food later. I need to fry the egg.”

“I don’t want.” Jeonghan gets extra clingy once he wakes up so he will hug Seungcheol from the back, not even pulling away for a second and follows wherever Seungcheol moves. It is uncomfortable for Seungcheol when a koala in human form clinging onto you but he won’t pull away either. They’re stupidly in love together.

Sitting on the dining table, Jeonghan eats the whole meal completely. His bowl of rice is empty and so does his soup bowl. His is chewing the fish cake with gusto and how pleasing and heartwarming is Seungcheol’s heart to watch him eating.

“How was your day?” Jeonghan asks first but Seungcheol just shakes his head.

“I have to present my idea for the new game project on Monday so I slept after editing my works.” There was a silent before Seungcheol diverts their conversation’s topic. “Did you have a nice rest? I told you to just sleep at your on-call room. Why did you drive here 6 in the morning? The road is dark and hazy and you didn’t even bring your glasses when driving. It is also raining. I heard from Hansol that you’re not eating on time, that you always miss your lunch and can’t you see your eyebags? Just how many days haven’t you sleep well? During this whole week, this is the first time I saw you finishing your meal without leaving even a grain of rice.”

Jeonghan drops his head on the plate, fiddling with the utensils rather than meeting Seungcheol’s eyes. He is still tired so he sighs heavily when his heart starts to ache and tears start to pool his eyes. Trying his best to get those words out of his trembling lips, Jeonghan shuts his eyes to say it less painfully or so he thought.

“Seungcheol, let’s break up.”

“What?” His chest just bursts into tiny million pieces and he is broke there after hearing Seungcheol’s clueless voice but he remains silent there knowing it is the best for Seungcheol and swallows his lump down his burning throat. Seungcheol’s voice sounds troubled and hesitant. “Just eat, you must be tired.”

Jeonghan stands up from the wooden stool and shoots a gaze on Seungcheol who is slurping the hot soup. “I am serious. Let’s end _this_ ,” Jeonghan points the space between them. Now it is Seungcheol’s turn to emerge from his stool.

“This?” He knits his brow together and grits his teeth. “What’s this? Are you gone mad? What bullshit are you saying? Are you aware of what did you say just now, Jeonghan?”

“Seungcheol, please don’t make it harder for me. We should go on our own pace; we shouldn’t have stick to each other. It was all wrong, a mistake. We being together are a mistake and I don’t want to continue this anymore. Let’s break up!”

Seungcheol vaguely heard something is breaking like the sound of when you step on a dried leaves. Yeah, maybe Jeonghan is shattering in silence too and his anger is boiling inside him along with blood-shot eyes, panging chest, trembling hands and his world is collapsing upon his head suddenly and he can’t keep it straight because a moment ago, Jeonghan prepared a wonderful breakfast which they shared together, slept in the same couch before Jeonghan clung onto him and they were enjoying dinner made by him with every detail of Jeonghan’s thought. Everything was perfect just a moment ago like every other usual day and a wave outrages onto them out of nowhere. 

Seungcheol wants to shout and yell at Jeonghan but no, he can’t do that, he can never do that so quietly he holds Jeonghan’s shoulder at both side, trying to calm himself down and looks down at him _. This is awful._ “Hey, hey, tell me. What’s troubling you? Jeonghan? Hmm, baby? Let’s talk, okay.” He holds back his tears that might spill at any second so he softens his voice.

Seungcheol’s brain completely shuts down when Jeonghan distances himself from him as if he is a kind of dirt which disgusts the younger to the core as his both arms fall beside him. “I’ve said what I wanted to say. Don’t complicate it any longer, Seungcheol. I’m clear and you should too. I can’t take this anymore; everyone has an end and so does _us_.”

_‘This,’_ It is the only word that repeats on Seungcheol’s mind. He can’t decipher it, not as what Jeonghan did but it’s queasy to him. Bell rings in his hear and when he shots his head towards where the person who broke his heart a minute ago, tears fall and blood rises up to his whole face. “Okay,” Seungcheol wipes his tear and ignores his hammering lump. _That is how easy for you, too?_

“Tell me, Jeonghan.” He breathes calmly before out bursting. “For god’s sake, fucking tell me! How did you decide this on your own?! What caused you?! Was my love not enough, huh?! I give my life for you, Yoon Jeonghan. In every breath that I consume, there are you! Only you. And you’re saying this as if you had practiced for months. ‘This?’! Tell me, what do you meant by ‘this’?! Has love turned disgusting for you now? Me? Do you even think of me before saying that shit?! We are- _were_ perfect. So perfect, even until a couple of minutes ago and you-“ Seungcheol chokes, his brain is empty but Jeonghan is floating in it and his mouth is dry as if the latter has suck every dampness from him. Everything is bitter and tasteless.

However, Jeonghan is rooted on the cold floor not even looking at Seungcheol’s direction and he seems so distant like a stranger. Seungcheol doesn’t recognize him. Where did all the brightness that Jeonghan had opened for him go? It is so dim here and they both are numb at this moment. “I’m hurting too, it is hard.” He finally speaks and even his voice is so unfamiliar for Seungcheol. This can’t be real. Jeonghan brings his palm up to cover his eyes, maybe preventing the tears to get noticed by Seungcheol and holds his breath together as he presses his mouth tightly. He wants the world that he has built with Seungcheol for 3 years only to get drown in him, in his soul and in his mind. _Even a painful memory is still a memory that will last and Jeonghan wants to long for it._

He silently sobs with his eyes covered by his warm palms before another hand - a familiar one - holds his waist silently by hiding the pain and before he uncovers his eyes, Seungcheol blocks his views with his hands before slowly tracing his trembling mouth with his lips. Tenderly, and so carefully, Seungcheol holds him and kisses him because he knew Jeonghan has turned into a snow. He keeps melting and Seungcheol can’t reach him no matter how hard he tries yet Jeonghan nibbles on Seungcheol’s lower lip and kisses him back with the same motion. “N-no,” Jeonghan reluctantly says so Seungcheol is unable to let go yet he uncovers his eyes without breaking the kiss despite getting pushed by Jeonghan and he doesn’t want to make it intense so he pulls a few centimeters away to inhale as he intertwines their fingers.

“Don’t do this,” He pleads with teary eyes, remembering nothing of their pleasant days and just like that, Seungcheol shatters onto the ground. “Go,” was all Seungcheol says to him before seeing him walking out of their warm house which was filled with only memories of them when they were dearly in love.

Suddenly, the weather in Canada seems to be much colder than usual.

[After 7 years]

“Where is Doctor Yoon?”

“Poor Doctor Yoon, he was about to have lunch but those interns caused a problem at the ER.”

Seungkwan hisses and shakes his head in a slow motion. “Team 2 right?”

Doctor Min nods after inhaling a deep breath. It’s the same fall of the year, nothing special particularly as now Jeonghan is the attending at the ER department. He barely knows what’s the season of the year or today’s weather since he has devoted his life in this hospital, fighting to save thousands of life. Every staff in this hospital including first year interns, residents, and attendings know how workaholic is Jeonghan. No one could find out why he is working so diligently to the point sometimes he forgot to eat or sleep and he always disappear in a middle of a conversation. Despite that, he is friendly and socially expert. He knows how to handle each and every patient carefully. But no one knows when his anger will burst out and since he has taken the interns of the team 2 under his wings, nobody has ever seen a smile or his cheerful personality anymore. He always yells and his face now has turned red everyday and even the nurses are fear of assisting him in a minor surgery.

“Ya, man!” It’s Soonyoung, a neurosurgeon. They are both graduated from David Geffen School of Medicine in US but Soonyoung completed his fellowship in California while Jeonghan did it at Boston and now they’re both attendings at St. Johnson in US.

“Go die with your ‘ya man,’” Jeonghan spites as he takes off his cap when Soonyoung joins him for his late lunch but Soonyoung is wide-hearted man who doesn’t take Jeonghan’s harsh words to his heart. It’s been a month since he last saw Jeonghan singing excitedly in the bar when they fled themselves to have some fun.

“I have never hate any interns before but these idiots,” He points at the 4 interns sitting not too far from him, enjoying their meal extra loudly. “I swear to god, they don’t even do anything properly. Fucking intubation, Soonyoung!” He plops his head onto the table and groans while Soonyoung stares awfully at his favorite senior facing the crisis of his life.

“Ah, hyung! Eat first,”

“I heard they’re recruiting a new neurosurgeon,”

Soonyoung’s mouth goes ‘O’ and snaps his head at Jeonghan who is slurping the chicken soup with gusto. “Let’s hope we will go along well.”

“Life here is bad,” Jeonghan comments, not knowing what will happen in an hour.

Jeonghan’s sleep was disturbed when his pager buzzes, notifying him he has to put on his white coat again, has to wash his face, and has to give up on his 30 minutes sleep. When he steps out of his room, the ER is in an extreme hassle and he can only sigh heavily.

“Doctor Yoon, a seizure patient is coming.”

He massages his nape and stretches his body before answering, “Let’s go.” Out of blue, he halts in his step, remembering something rather vague when he saw a dead leaf is sticking onto the glass door which leads to the ambulance parking. It is not neither snowing nor raining but he feels a sudden embrace of coldness and before he could snap out of it, Doctor Lily pulls him.

“Convulsion interval has shortened and oxygen saturation is down.” Jeonghan can barely see a young man laying unconsciously on the stretcher but since the space is crowded, he can’t enter to examine the patient.

“He’s a Korean!” Intern Maggie whispers quietly but loud enough to Jeonghan’s ear.

“Maggie, can you please move?” Jeonghan spits out through his gritted teeth.

“Doctor! Faster! His blood pressure is 160 and the oxygen saturation level 90.” Doctor Lily urges Jeonghan.

Jeonghan puts the stethoscope around his neck before moving, “How much did he pour in, gosh.” That’s the end of his sentence when he stands in front of the unmoving body which he recognizes the most even after years. His eyes grow wide and his hand has gone numb as he can feel his chest tightens.

“Doctor we need to move faster or we have to perform surgery!” His ear has turned deaf when he meets the face of the person whose heart is crashed because of him. He could only curls his fist and stay rooted on the ground.

“Oxygen saturation has dropped to 85! Doctor Yoon!” Finally he snaps out of his wanders and approaches the patient.

He finally speaks, “Prepare the bag and 10 for oxygen. I need to perform intubation.” Focusing, he enters the tube carefully into his mouth. After few minutes, he succeeds and the patient seems much stable which relieves his racing heart.

“But,” Intern Maggie studies the situation but got cut off by Jeonghan.

“Intubation will prevent pneumonia and help him to heal fast. Get him one liter of 30% glucose and 500 CC of Solita T3.” Jeonghan knows what is he doing even when he seems nonchalant performing but he is an ace so he perfectly knows his job. He rushes out of the place but his luck is bad in his personal life. That is when he bumps into Soonyoung at the lobby.

“Hyung!” Jeonghan tries to avoid him but Soonyoung hops his way to him and Jeonghan only could slap himself internally.

“Wait! I saw that seizure patient! Isn’t he your…” Soonyoung escapes from Jeonghan’s doubtful gaze, trying to find an appropriate word.

“My ex.” Jeonghan finishes for him and Soonyoung just gasps.

“Holy shit! So it is him!”

“And what about him?”

Soonyoung gives a ‘I don’t know’ look, “So hyung, what about him?”

Jeonghan groans, “I don’t know! Don’t ask me.” With that, Jeonghan runs to his on-call room to ease his mind since he is now free from any patients but Choi Seungcheol disturbs his mind. He has a lot of questions to ask Seungcheol as if he dares enough to face him. It has been 5 years since he left Seungcheol with a blood-shot heart, 5 years since they have meet each other, and 5 years since Jeonghan thought that he can forget all of this- his guilt -but out of everywhere, they meet again in US. Seungcheol is admitted as a seizure alcohol toxicity patient at where he works and to Jeonghan, none of this makes sense. He still looks the same, the familiar person he fell in love with. Every single detail in his face is recognizable for Jeonghan. But why did he drink so much? Back then, Seungcheol is a lightweight drinker who could only handle 5 shots of soju and he is here now. How did he turn into this? Wasn’t he at Canada? Did he get promoted? Why is he here?

A lot of questions are bubbling up to his chest but he pokes each of it and tries to get some sleep instead of checking on Seungcheol.

[4:30 AM]

“Doctor, your patient has awakened.”

Jeonghan groans and silently wishes for this day to end as a dream, “Who?”

“Choi Seungcheol, seizure patient.” He slowly gets up and rubs his eye.

“Can you ask Doctor Brown to check up on him?”

Doctor Lily knits her brows, “How could I do that Doctor Yoon? He is your patient, he is yours. Besides, Doctor Brown is not here. She has a seminar in Stanford for a week so please get up faster and come!” She bangs the door close, leaving Jeonghan in the dark room.

The pavement to ER seems so unfamiliar for Jeonghan and he just rolls his eyes annoyingly at every staffs he meets. “Here!” Doctor Lily calls him and he can’t move his limbs. He is too scared to meet Seungcheol, he is afraid of his heart, of his feelings. What is everything emerges at him like a wave? Is he ready to face that? Or maybe he deluded himself that he has forgotten about Seungcheol and now all the guilt is building up before him. He shuts his eyes and inhales a deep breath before taking a step towards the bed.

Seungcheol is mumbling in his sleep and his whole face is scrunched. Jeonghan is still staying beside him with no thoughts running over his mind. Grabbing the chance, he takes a close look at Seungcheol whose face he has missed for 7 years. To his surprise, Seungcheol hasn’t changed a bit and still looks as the familiar guy he met at the flower shop in Vancouver. The weather on that day was rather beautiful; it was summer when they first met. Seungcheol has cut his bangs and he has gained some muscles too. He is wearing a half sleeve shirt with sweatpants, not appropriate attire during autumn. Unknowingly, his hand reaches desperately to touch Seungcheol’s hair. It looks so soft and he wants to feel it again so he does it without anyone knowing since there are only the two of them. Quietly, he runs his finger through Seungcheol’s hair and massages it smoothly and he gains another mumble from him which makes him retreat his action quickly.

Before he gets carried away, he checks his blood pressure and oxygen saturation which seems normal and stable so he takes the file and writes it down. Suddenly, he halts in his step when he was about to walk out. Watching Seungcheol like this again shatters his heart which he obviously deserves it so he bends down silently and plants a kiss on his forehead before whispering, “I’m sorry.”

[3:45 pm]

After performing a surgery, Jeonghan went to have lunch alone before going to ER to check up on Seungcheol but he is not there. Jeonghan searched for him everywhere but he couldn’t be found. He takes out his phone to call the front desk. “Good evening, I’m Dr. Yoon Jeonghan.”

“What can I help you, doctor?”

“Regarding the patient named Choi Seungcheol who was admitted yesterday due to seizure alcohol toxicity. Do you know where he is?”

“Oh, he has been discharged earlier after your rounds. He seemed fine.”

Jeonghan is confused because he is the one who is in charge on discharging him but Seungcheol just fled like that. “Huh? Okay, alright. Thanks.”

Since then, Jeonghan is found in miserable because he can’t stop thinking about Seungcheol. A space in his heart which he thought has turn cold because it has been covered with snowflakes for 5 years is now starting to get chilly and airy. First, he thought it’ll help him to forget everything to continue his life but he had no idea that the snow will eventually melt too after bumping into the person whose heart he broke without an explanation.

It has been weeks since he saw Seungcheol and nothing seems different to him. Well, he’s doing quite fine normally without thinking much and Soonyoung often finds him spacing out from time to time but Jeonghan still thinks it is usual for him to behave contrarily to his past self. The situation in the hospital has never been quite, in ER specifically. There are always hit and run cases and accident cases not added with abusive relationship where so-called love birds will come crying with a swollen body and bleeding face. Jeonghan could only sigh when he is facing these types of patients and mumble internally. Finally, the day for Jeonghan has come when their department’s chief take them out for a treat for them to loosen themselves with blasting music, hundreds types of alcohols and drinks, hot surroundings and if he’s lucky he can get a good _company_.

“Guys, just have as many shots you want because it is on the house!” says Chief Peter and he is lost in the drunken crowd. While at the corner, Jeonghan is all by himself, having free fish and chips and enjoying the view in front of him. He can see the interns are swaying their hips and laughing together on the checkered stage. He tosses the drink and the memory of Seungcheol comes crushing in his mind so he gulps down more alcohols and stops when he can already feel his cheek is heating up and his vision is blurred. Without budging, Jeonghan stays wasted on the metallic stool when Soonyoung joins him out of nowhere with a glass of vodka in his hands and nudges him.

“Jesus, hyung I just want to tell you that I won’t drive you home tonight. I’ve found myself a chick.”

Jeonghan scoffs rather revoltingly, “Chicks,” Soonyoung bumps his shoulder to the music’s beat and his mouth goes in and out as if he is beatboxing as he raises his glass to the air every time the crowd goes crazy. The sight is just amusing for Jeonghan whose head is knocked against the countertop.

Soonyoung spares a second to take a look at Jeonghan. “How are you feeling?”

“Sick.” He hiccups and closes his eyes, trying to calm his buzzing heart from the loud stereos playing all around him. “Well, you deserve that.” Soonyoung comments, not helping Jeonghan a bit.

“Right,” He speaks lowly. “What?” Soonyoung has to lean his ear close to Jeonghan’s cheek.

“It is like I’m in a loop for nothing better. 7…years? Oh, yes it has been 7 years.” Jeonghan laughs shortly but Soonyoung only could grimace. “Soonyoung, there is karma right? But this doesn’t feel like one but seems like a chance instead. Should I go for it?”

Soonyoung quickly holds onto Jeonghan’s forearm when Jeonghan almost loses his balance and fall onto the floor. “What are you saying? Oh my god! You can take 12 shots but now what’s wrong with you?”

Once again, he lets out a chuckle and focuses his troubled gaze on Soonyoung. “I left him suddenly. He cried so much that day and I know he didn’t deserve that for what I did. I drove away because I thought I left him with his happiness because nothing worked between us.” Jeonghan speaks slowly, trying to connect everything piece by piece with his remnant memories. “But who am I to decide that? We were happy, so happy yet I thought we’re not a good match.”

“Is this about your past relationship with that Seungcheol guy?” Soonyoung interrupts when Jeonghan stops to breath.

“M-maybe I need an escape from what I heard that day. So I…” Tears form in his eyes by the sudden struck of the longing for 7 years.

“What did you heard?” Soonyoung has settled his glass on the countertop and now attentively listening to a drunken Jeonghan. “That he shouldn’t live like this, with a guy and be in a romantic relationship with a guy. With…me. His mom said that he brought shame to the family by being himself and I…saw how broken was both his parents. His dad even disowned him but he was quite. They couldn’t accept the fact”

“Their son is homo” Soonyoung completes it. “That was a fucked up situation, hyung.” Jeonghan doesn’t continue instead he drinks another glass.

“What about you, Jeonghan hyung?”

“I’m like this,”

Lovers say fate brought them together to where and who they are now and some of the coincidences work for Jeonghan well at least after 7 years.

“Doctor Yoon?” Jeonghan turns around to meet with Seungkwan and Lily who are standing rather fidgety.

Jeonghan arches a brow and presses his lips together while waiting for his workmate to speak. “What?”

“Chief Brown called you to his room after your rounds.” Seungkwan tells and Jeonghan nods.

“Is this about your transfer? Will you go?” asks Lily with her head down.

Jeonghan laughs, “Why would I? I’m not going anywhere, cheer up guys! I know y’all will miss me so I’m staying here. Besides, it’s just a seminar…well at Melbourne,”

“Ah, hyung! You made us worried! I thought you’re going to John Hopkins since the recruiting list is out now! Min hyung was discussing with us to reserve Doctor Brown’s mother’s restaurant for your departure.”

Jeonghan can’t believe what he is hearing. “You guys wished me to go? I know I’m the best here and my name could be in the list but preparing for a farewell is a bit too much.”

Lily scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Whatever, HanHan! Go before the chief screams your name at ER.”

Jeonghan hates seminar. He really does and he has no idea why Chief Brown picked him out of every possible people that are potentially good to deliver the idea much efficiently. It has been two days since he is in Melbourne and there is 4 days left for the seminar to end and Jeonghan feels nothing like himself because he can only see same people running here and there in the busy streets, getting into the warm coffee shop to get their first morning coffee to kick off their day while having a great time with everyone, including strangers. People here are so unnecessarily friendly which makes Jeonghanto feel ticklish all over his body. _Weird_. Even in the hustle bustle, Jeonghan hoped for some sort of what they call coincidence or miracle to bump into this one certain stranger. _After everything, stranger seems to be an appropriate word for Jeonghan._

It’s Wednesday which is a total freedom for him because the seminar is called off due to absence of an important chief director but it is all doesn’t matter for him since he has planned to stay in the room until the next day but when he was standing by the window, watching others seem to enjoying what they’re doing, Jeonghan thought of going out for a walk.

_When everything comes crashing down to where it belongs._

He goes into a colorful souvenir shop at the end of the street and looks at every gift with a little smile. His groupchat has been always noisy since he stepped into Melbourne. The messages are nothing but his workmate asking him to buy them gifts and Soonyoung is asking him ridiculously to set up him with any girl here. The shop is quite and only handful people are purchasing. Since nothing attracts him to buy, he steps out from the shop as he gives a regretful smile to the lady at the entrance but his bad luck strikes him when he accidentally stepped into the pothole resulting him to loss his balance and falls onto the ground. “Great!” He mumbles.

The shop just burst into an uncontrollable silent laughs making Jeonghan to wish if the pothole could swallow him in one go but when he lifts his head, he really wants to vanish at this moment because his wish to bump into a _certain stranger_ comes true and casually walks pass him into the shop. ‘Did he really walk over me?’

Luckily the lady earlier lends him a hand while hiding her smile. “Thanks.” says Jeonghan shyly.

“Dirt got on your shoe young man. There is a shoe shop at the opposite road next to the bakery shop. You can buy it there.” The kind lady suggests him but before he could cross the road, Seungcheol is standing right next to him at the pedestrian and Jeonghan freezes.

_‘What is he doing here? Does he live here? Oh right, I saw apartments on my way here. He could be living there! Or is it here? There are lots of terrace houses too but a lot of street numbers. Does he recognize me? Does he even realize I’m next to him? He looks healthier than that day. His eyelashes are getting longer and he seems to be much taller than before. Oh my god! Why I must bump into him now? I look miserable, totally! I got dirt on my palms and pants and shoes. It’s embarrassing to face him! What should I say? Hi? How have you been? Are you alright? That sounds dick! But…does he even care? Should I just cross and mind my own business and act like nothing happened? Right, I’m a coward and have no right to talk to him. He looks so carefree_ _’_

“Do you want to get hit by the bus?” Seungcheol’s voice pulls his rooted legs from the ground and his head snaps to him. He sounds unfamiliar like a new discovery.

_‘He talked to me!’_ Jeonghan tries to calm down despite his throat is hammering inside him and his heart almost fell onto the ground. Seungcheol walks away from him after he murmurs a ‘huh’ and enters the bakery shop. Still in disbelief, Jeonghan drags his leg into the shoe shop and snaps himself into the reality. When he is done purchasing a new pair of shoes, he exits the store, hoping to not meet with any unlucky incidents and he breathes heavily once stepping out. “Great, just great. Pothole, new shoes, Cheol and now it’s raining. Is my life is cursed or this is what I deser”

“That’s what you deserve, obviously.” Out of nowhere, Seungcheol stands next to him with an umbrella.

“Cheol…” with a low tone, Jeonghan finally calls his name out.

“What? You won’t believe it?” He gives a focused look on Jeonghan.

Jeonghan is confused. “What?” Seungcheol sighs while painting a smirk all over his face and as much as Jeonghan hates the situation right now, he is a little happy to talk with Seungcheol even after 7 years. This is what they mean when they say, _feelings are still there with you_.

Jeonghan tries to start a proper conversation as he diverts the topic. “How have you been?”

Seungcheol takes off his scarf and adjusts his hair before sparing him a gaze. “Good, of course I’m good. What do you think I would be?” His cold tone makes Jeonghan speechless and freezes once again. The rain is pouring hard just like how Seungcheol seems to him and he can’t blame Seungcheol either. He was the one who made Seungcheol to react like this. Shutting his mouth, he shields from the rain’s splatter by scooting closer to his left where Seungcheol is standing. Seungcheol groans silently when he realizes his shoulder brushes Jeonghan’s and that hurts Jeonghan so he drops his head and quietly stares at the ground without letting his tear fall.

Jeonghan is not good holding back his emotions but he knows that he is not in the place to cry or expect anything better in return of what he did to Seungcheol so staying quiet might be the best option for him now.

“What are you doing here?”

“Seminar,” answers Jeonghan.

“How long?”

“A week.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Elwood.” Jeonghan is about to raise his head to finally look at Seungcheol when a scarf is thrown at him. He grabs it and Seungcheol shots him a disgusted look.

“Cover your neck.” With that, Seungcheol walks away as he covers himself with the umbrella and something tickles Jeonghan’s heart and he decides to let it out.

“Cheol!” He calls the guy who is now not approximately 2 meters away from him and when the latter turns, a regretful smile beams on Jeonghan. “I’m sorry.”

Through the droplets of rain, Seungcheol seems unfazed and when he walks away Jeonghan is engulfed by a sudden coldness again which turns his fingers rigid but he feels something. Seungcheol has become something else to him and the fact alone bugs him. It’ll be great if they met as a two complete strangers sharing their previous hostile but even that also seems impossible yet Jeonghan wants to go for it.

You know when in life, you made a bad decision and it’ll chase you forever? Jeonghan doesn’t care about it. It’s bullshit, totally. So what if he throws his pride away and chase Seungcheol? Every encounter looked like a chance but still, he let go of it but now he has made up his mind. He wants to fix what he did on autumn 7 years ago during this winter spring.

_Melbourne is new to him, not the people_ _especially the one he loves._

His jaw drops upon seeing his tablemate’s plate filled with high fat desserts, muffins which size could tear open your mouth, the dripped maple syrup on top of the pie instantly nauseas him and much more items which he prefers not to tell the details. Awkwardly plastering a short smile, Jeonghan quietly munches on his salad with no meats at all and desperately waiting for the seminar to be over. Everyone is excited to enjoy their Friday but it’s pale for Jeonghan, obviously so that’s why he decided to go down to Luna Park which is 8 kilometer away from Elwood by commuting. The place is surely blasting and he just wants to enjoy himself or maybe if _that_ miracle happens again, he’ll be contented to the fullest.

It has been 3 hours since he entered the park but there is no trace of Seungcheol so without giving up, Jeonghan goes to the souvenir shop and glee is all over him when he finally sees Seungcheol at the bakery shop at the opposite of the road. ‘Does he work there?’ thought Jeonghan. Putting on an act which he thinks as an award worthy act, he enters the bakery and silently approaches Seungcheol who is lifelessly staring at the glass window on his right side. Jeonghan was about to walk pass him but he is caught red-handed.

“I thought you said you have seminar?” He sips his hot black coffee before raising his cup in the air.

“The bakery is new; just want to try their breads.” _A stupid excuse_.

“It has been opened since before I live here, to be accurate, more than 3 years.” Jeonghan nods at the thrown fact and shamelessly joins Seungcheol on the same table to which he receives a wiggle from Seungcheol.

“What are you trying to do Jeonghan?”

“Eat?”

“Your intention?”

“I don’t know, it’s not like you’ll agree if I ask to get back with you. Past is behind me but I do regret it.” A frown appears on Seungcheol’s forehead while listening to Jeonghan who is blurting out. “It’s ridiculous Cheol”

“Stop calling me that.”

Jeonghan sighs and digs in his strawberry croissant. “Seungcheol. So I’m the one to blame. It’s because of me.”

Seungcheol let out a sinister laugh. “Wait. First of all, I don’t want to meet you but here you are, shamelessly sitting with me on the same table and you’re still eating that disgusting strawberry croissant. It smells awful and I’m quite astonished that you’re still sticking to that stupid carb. Secondly, I don’t care about what had happened. It’s all bullshit. I mean it. And why are you talking to me about _that_ stupid thing? Aren’t you ashamed of what are you talking about like do you even realize it? And, you look stupid.”

_Wow_.

Jeonghan swallows the air in his throat and casually, _very casually_ he lifts his gaze to meet with the man in front of him and he almost choked when the realization of Seungcheol’s words shoot him. It takes him few minutes for him to be able to speak again while Seungcheol just gazes him Jeonghan prefers sweet words fondly yet bewilderedly.

“That’s an insult. Look, I apologized”

Seungcheol scoffs, “After 7 years,” He emphasizes the ‘seven’. “And even if you said it when you broke up with me, does that solve anything? But, thank you.”

“That’s sarcastic.”

“No, genuinely. Sincerely, thank you for that day for saving my life. I know how to express gratitude.”

The realization dawns on him. “Oh. You remember? You knew that was me?”

Seungcheol sips again on his coffee and exhales, “That’s why I left.”

_I really have no pride left._

Sipping on his last drop of coffee, Seungcheol stands up, picking his key and coat, getting ready to leave. “If there’s nothing, I’m leaving.”

“I am here.” Seungcheol ignores him whose head has dropped onto the metallic table, reflecting his pathetic figure. They exit together (Jeonghan follows Seungcheol) but it is raining.

“Oh look, it’s raining.”

“Yeah, it’s not like you planned it.” Jeonghan chortles and observes Seungcheol’s profile which he missed for 7 years, his eyelashes are longer than usual, and his stubble is quite prominent up close. Then, his gaze drops on his round cherry lip where the rain drop is touching it and suddenly he envies the droplets which could touch Seungcheol’s lip unknowingly so he tries to

“Don’t think of kissing me.”

Jeonghan stumbles backward shockingly, “You won’t let me kiss you but let me think of it.”

“You were the one who ended it. Remember that. And don’t think of any slightest chance of getting back with me.” _Right, nothing is wrong with what Seungcheol has said._

Jeonghan clenches his fist when Seungcheol once again walks away after throwing harsh words to him. He shouldn’t be offended by it because in the end, it is the truth yet he can feel his hair is dampening, his shirt is soaked, and his vision is blurred either because of the pouring rain or his own tears. When he realizes the cold rain is no more hitting his skin and warmth is still ghosting over his cheeks, he realizes that he is standing in front of Seungcheol who is sharing his umbrella with him in the middle of the rain.

“What the hell are you doing? You can get cold and sick! You have low immunity! You’re a doctor Jeonghan, you should know it better!”

Jeonghan is standing still, plucking up courage from his chest. “I want to be with you again.”

“I cleared”

“I was fine all these years. When I left you, I only cried and felt despair but when I saw you at the hospital, something came back,” Jeonghan clenches his chest. “It was weird, something that I shouldn’t feel and it was…guilt and for the first time, I felt my heart breaking.” Seungcheol knows Jeonghan is crying but he can’t do anything. “I don’t know if you are doing okay or have moved on but I’m selfish for hoping you to think of me and wanted to ask you a lot. I missed you and it was my fault but can’t I wish for us to get back? Seeing you again made me so happy, Seungcheol and when I saw you at the souvenir shop that day really made me wonder if this is a kind of fate or a chance that I should not let go again. I only heard that your mom said you can’t be happy if we are together and that was the only thing running around in my head when I broke up with you.”

“Wait…my mom?”

Jeonghan clicks on his tongue after realizing he has slipped words that he shouldn’t be saying. “It’s okay if you don’t want me. I’ll go back” Seungcheol pulls him closer with his umbrella, not letting him escape. “You come with me.”

Jeonghan has no idea what is he doing in Seungcheol’s apartment. He has dried himself, now wearing a plain blue shirt which Seungcheol gets for him from his wardrobe. The apartment is quite high, 12 floors up in a black brick mansion block and the view is nothing impressive for him just uncountable tall trees, tall buildings, an unclear mountain clouded by fogs, busy streets and people walking but when he turns his back from the window, he is met with an undeniable and inexplicable beauty which is beyond his imagination. At the dining table, Seungcheol is pouring down hot tea in a transparent cup and when he wiggles his eyebrows at Jeonghan, Jeonghan immediately shakes his head, rejecting the tea rather quickly. The situation here is weird, so weird to the point he wants to jump off the building and never be found but he is here, with Seungcheol while casually wearing Seungcheol’s shirt and is trapped.

“Why don’t you come here?” Seungcheol asks, adjusting his jumper.

“Seungcheol, look, I want to get back to hotel. Let me go, please.”

Seungcheol settles on the couch comfortably and taps the space next to him with a smirk, “Sit here.” Reluctantly, Jeonghan moves there and he doesn’t know why his whole face is heating up. He has the urge to run in front of a mirror and slap himself until he can’t feel his cheek anymore for acting so recklessly. Seungcheol’s movement on the couch makes his heart rapidly beat and when he turns to face him properly, Jeonghan knows he has fucked up things more than anything clearly.

“But did you hear how I defended you to my parents? Did you hear how much I cried when I say you’re the only one to me? That you’re the only one who makes sense to me and no one else? I can’t go on without you, I’ve lived with you that my heart belongs to you, my home. But you just cut everything between us just like that, huh? And all that because of you heard my fight with my parents. If you had spared a minute for me that day to explain everything, we wouldn’t be like this.” His eyes are somehow in a mix of plead and honesty when he finally let go of his emotion that he has built up in anger and resentment but Jeonghan is wrong. “I can’t hate you and I hate myself for that. I should be pushing you away but why does my heart reacts like that again when I saw you at the hospital? I want to punish you and I want you to cry forever. My heart and my mind acts contrarily, it is being untruthful yet when I saw you, I wanted to hug you but I ran away. When you said ‘I’m sorry’ at the hospital, I wanted to kiss you, Jeonghan. Is it because I’m too happy to meet you again or that is just the way I am when it comes to you?” Jeonghan can feel his knuckles has turned white and the image of Seungcheol is now blurry but when he whips his head to Seungcheol, he notices his voice has grown heavy and his teary gaze is still locked onto him. “That after all these years, you are still my everything?”

Seungcheol slowly laces their hands and kisses each one of Jeonghan’s finger tenderly. “Can I hug you?” Jeonghan asks with a trembling voice and his whole body is soothed when Seungcheol wraps his arm around him. _The familiar warmth._ His chin on top of Jeonghan’s head and Jeonghan feels smaller; he snuggles closer and pulls his leg from the cold floor up to the couch giddily trying to fit his entire figure into Seungcheol’s arms.

Impossible to believe, Jeonghan tries to deny the reality that he is in now. Just like that, like how he wished to be and like how he never expected any of this, he feels like he is living in an entire different place but existing together with Seungcheol. That is why his emotions are jumbling up to say _when everything is gone and when everything is here, the feelings still remain._ When he looks back, it is like he’s back in Canada; each and every moment is still the same and precious. It’s already summer in here but people don’t change and so does his heart. The street is always busy despite how the sky looks like. In front of a familiar flower shop, Jeonghan is gazing the fresh flower in display from the transparent glass window and he smiles acknowledging the image playing in his mind and when he turns back, he is met with another treasure. Choi Seungcheol is leaning against the lamppost, his hair is black and combed neatly to the side but a few strands of his hair falls upon his forehead and he cheekily glances over Jeonghan.

“Don’t seduce me,”

Seungcheol holds back his laughter, “You’re an adult, Jeonghan.”

“So?” Jeonghan leans to run his fingers through Seungcheol’s warm hand when the corner of his lips tugs.

“Let’s go,” Seungcheol laces their hand and pulls Jeonghan to run with him in the crowd of busy crowd where no one cares about the time they have. Pretty waste, Jeonghan thinks. Catching their breath, they exchanged smile to each other.

“What are you trying to do?” Seungcheol asks.

“These people, they are not like us.” Jeonghan runs his hand to Seungcheol’s nape, trying to pull him down to his height and he wonders since when Seungcheol has grown much taller than him? As if Seungcheol has already seeing it coming, he just lowers his head and kisses Jeonghan with every ounce of him. He remembers each taste of Jeonghan and it has one in common sweetness. Jeonghan doesn’t know is he is floating in air but he feels quite light like a cotton and Seungcheol’s cherry lips taste nothing more like cotton candy. He knows it as if he has gained a sixth sense because every time they’re together, his mind is committed to bring down a certain memory like what his tongue wants. So lovely, others will think when they see them, kissing so recklessly in a road, not minding anyone.

**Author's Note:**

> im glad y'all read it and thank you very much for reading it. actually i suck at ending idk how to bring them together. and thanks to reyn, sam and kay for proofreading it! :) u can follow me @cheorryl on twitter! or https://curiouscat.me/eunjispring


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